Всё начинается с чьей-либо мечты
why do we have to make things so complicated?
find other meanings and explanations, profound significances?
the fact that two people are happy together, that's it's way better for them to stick to each other than to be apart - isn't that enough for them to stay thay way?
why can't we just forget about everything - morals, plans, implications.
dial the number you know by heart and say 'i love you'.
i love you.
and i miss you.

and yes, i can live without you.
eventually you realize that very few things given to you by life are everlasting.
mostly things, people, backgrounds are temporarily.
it shouldn't be underestimated though, not at all. that's what builds us, what makes us what we are.
and in one form or another we take that luggage with us to our future.
but these are steps. steps we should stand at and - pass.
steps we're thankful for. things we appreciate and love and never forget.
but at some point your present becomes your past.
and the biggest mistake a person can make is to hold onto this past.
it will guide you, it will give you some hints, it's such a great and priceless support.
but it's an accompanying, not the leadning component.
your future is there to dictate, not your past which should fit into the picture of your future.
and finally you learn how to let go of things.
things so meaningful and loved.
you will never be sorry about any single part of it, cause it was beautiful.
and even though you don't want to let you, you do.
and each time it gets easier for you to do that.
you just loosen your grip and smile remembering.
i can do that. and i can move on. i'm strong.

when we were breaking up, roy told me, 'you know, for quite a long time i couldn't understand how guys can be friends with such a hottie. i think i get it now.'
'you mean you'd rather be friends with me?' i asked bewildered.
'you know that's not what i mean and that after what we had being friends i'm afraid would be to painful,' roy replied.
'so what is that about?' i asked then.
'you are in fact absolutely awesome! you know, our kind of guy, but a girl,' he said. 'incredibly hot, attractive, sweet and sometimes girlish. but at the same time cynical, fun, light, and you understand us, men.'
'i don't understand you at all,' i confessed.
'yeah, right,' roy didn't believe me and smirked bitterly.

my mum keeps telling me i have a male mind, but absolutely girlish emotions.
anyway i'm strong enough to move on.
and i have my wonderful friends always there for me.
but every time a memory strikes me. some silly moments, amusing faces we used to make, funny situations we had in common.
every time it comes to my mind i ask myself: why?
cause the way it was before it was so much better.
why loose that?
i can let go of it, i did.
but why? why the hell?

and i know roy's thinking the same way.
i know it's hard for him not to call, not to text. not to share stuff with me and for once in a while to be unaware of what's going on around here.
i know he misses that like crazy!
because it's an integral part of our lives. we are integral parts of each other's lives. torn away.

hey there.
i love you.
and i was so much happier when you were here.
i want this myself back. happy one, smelling like you, with my lips scratched by your bristle.
hurrying home to find you here.
i wanna get the sweetest good mornings and good nights.
share our fantasies. and never be out of new ideas for sex.
and this habit to have the cell by my side and jump up excited every time it beeps pretasting an immodest or tender text or your mocking humming voice.
i miss you, roy.
i miss you so.

@темы: the US