Всё начинается с чьей-либо мечты
'what is that supposed to mean?', roy would call and ask about the silence matter-of-factly.
'i don't know,' i'd reply honestly.
'i've missed you. i don't like missing you,' he'd say.
'neither do i,' i'd confess.
what a glorious conversation.

meanwhile i'm about to take a pregnancy test.
seriously, that's just great - every time i end a serious relatioship i'm afraid of being pregnant.
not while we're dating, nope. after - absolutely! give me that freakin test!

i'm going to russia in a week. for two weeks.
will try to arrange a trip to italy with my russian friends.
although i hardly believe that has any chance to work out.

i'm moving to another city here in the us in a couple of month.
i'm all into my work.

and only one thing haunts me:
that i see roy is not that well.
and instead of being independent and over
which by the way i almost did
i'm worried.
so worried about him
that every now and then i catch myself thinking of ways to help him out.
which is wrong! so wrong!
i should stop doing that.
i call mum, describe the situation, she says, 'he's a nice guy, it must be difficult to bear'.
'you're not helping!' i'd tell her and once more assure myself of the fact that she really liked the guy.
i guess that's sort of the first time when she really liked my date.
i'd shake my head and call dasha, describing the situation to her and summarizing, 'i'm such a fool!'
'yes, you are, mel,' dasha would say, 'i'm sorry but that's true. women are fools, that's what my dad says.'

sometimes i wish i could be more of a bitch.
but i can't stop caring about people i love.
and i do love him.

felix showed up this saturday.
with friends. and meat, cake and mafia!
that in fact was one of the best evenings and nights of 2011 so far.

i'm not a mess.
but i've been better.
yep, i definitely was.
some one month ago.
two month ago even more so.

@темы: the US