bought the tickets to europe.
i'll be there with matt who's being so nice and considerate.
and we talk for hours.
in person or over the phone at nights.
and i smile and sort of wait for him to call or text.
but r called me today and we only talked for some two minutes.
and these two minutes meant more than all the time spent with matt.
and for the first time i feel like my heart is being torn apart.
squeezed in my chest, with my chest.
and this is almost like physical pain. literally.
i'm ok from the outside and maybe even in my head and thoughts.
and i kinda live up to the hilt.
and enjoy it.
and will go on like that.
but it hurts inside.
i take a breathe and it hurts.
and i know i'll take another breathe. and i do.
and after a number of them it will ease
till some point where i can live almost not paying attention to it.
until it hurts again
once i hear his voice.
or remember yourself - different myself - myself with him.
gosh how come i love you so much?
how could this have happened to us?