i'm going on a date friday. a real date. with a nice guy named leroy.
what an amusing thing our life is!
all you have to do is loosen up, look around and it's all there.
well, not all maybe but such a great deal of everything spread before your eyes, within the reach of your hands.
i finally cut myself some slack and went shopping.
christmas sales and some money from my parents made it possible.
i refuse to take money from my parents, but it was christmas, you can't refuse presents.
i buy stuff. and buying outfits in the us is incomparable. it's a pleasure. a keen pleasure. and it's orgasmic!!
i work a little for a russian company. i only wish it had more for me to do. but anyway.
i study a lot.
a make fancy dinners for jared, he's lost in admiration and begs me to be in temper for such things every night.
and i enjoy our deal - he buys food, i make sophisticated dishes out of what he buys.
we're both impossible to replace in this field - i have no money for expensive food and he can't cook.
i do not talk to alexander and don't feel like it.
i actually feel free in a way.
what bothers me is my mum's birthday coming soon.
and i'm so eager to take her out for dinner, kiss her, propose a toast with a fine wine and feel like a little girl again.
a little girl wearing an elegant black dress having a family dinner with her loving parents at the restaurant.
but my financial situation is still too lame for me to go to canada.
the crisis applies to my my parents there, also pressured by it.
luckily for them it's not so intense as it is for me, but still they feel the sting, so it would be bad of me to ask them to come here.
that's just not my ticket.
nevertheless everything feels good.
in a spring kind of way.
like something new is around the corner and about to emerge out of nowhere.