music

after all the dancing we had an improvised after party at steve's studio.
he's got a band. so the whole morning was given over to singing.
when they all got tired i took the guitar and started playing myself.
they were astonished, recorded my voice, promised to work on it and to think of some co-projects for us.
which is fun, cause a musical career (let's put it that way) is definitely not what i expected when going to the us haha.
but that's so exciting! although tomorrow is another day.
i got back home only in the afternoon, so i've just woken up (7 p.m., yeep), still in bed and have just got one of the songs i've been singing this morning, without any arrangements or changes yet.
i've never heard my voice before. you can't listen to you when you're singing or talking properly. so that was interesting.
here's the song: www.2shared.com/file/8350462/e92ee2e8/amelfa-be...
i'm listening to myself. that's weird!!!

@темы: the US

---

blah

i come back home, knock on jared's door. the first thing to appear is a pair of cigarettes and a lighter.
then i see his normally sleepy face, he hugs me and has a dig at me. then we have a smoke.
i go home. and in a few minutes i hear a tap on the door meaning jared's bored.
he comes in. i get back to my work or study and he sits on my couch, turns on a music he took with him (we're listening to New Love Grows On Trees by Babyshambles at the moment) and entertains me.
he's around all the time lately.
'hey, jared', i said finally, 'what do you do?'.
'i draw you away from your work', he replied, 'and since you haven't noticed it yet i'm not so good at it'.
'no. i mean do you work somewhere?', i explained.
'why? you want me to get you an extra job? you haven't got enough?', he rode off on a side issue.
'no. i'm asking cause you're here 24/7! and still you've got money to buy us cigarettes, lots of cigarettes. and let me tell you in america it's expensive!'.
'you can say that. wanna hear a pathetic story?', he asked.
'yeah'.
'you were busy as a bee, weren't you?', he tried to avoid answering again.
'you know me. i'm on the jump right along. it never hinders you though', i wouldn't let go.
'okay, bird, you'll get to hear about my graveyard right away', he sighed, 'i used to have my own business, in delivery. that was going so great, i was working as a black slave but felt like on the top of the world. and then the mercury started to fall rapidly, the business faltered and finally failed in june. bloody crisis! so all i've managed to do is to sell the rest of it. bought a new car, payed for an appartment in advance. and here i am now'.
that was shocking. he made an impression of a complete layabout. but i believe he wouldn't lie. there's just no point.

since felix's still occupied by his problems i'm not visiting him tonight which is sad actually but that's the way it is. and all i can do is to wish him luck once more.
jared promised to show me a new club nearby. with counter-dancing bartenders and lots of weirdos according to him.
so i'll be dancing tonight.

@темы: the US

---

fighting

i'm expected to make a huge presentational project in the end of october but i couldn't solve a problem set by my research supervisor last week, so i came over to his office today with lots of questions and even more sheets covered with writing.
he has a visitor who turned out to be a head of the department, but it turned out to be that way later. at first i just opened the door and saw a respectable senior.
'i'm sorry, prof. whitfield', i apologized, 'should i come back later?'.
'oh, no, we're almost done here. come on in, miss karavayeva'.
he introduced me to his visitor and vice versa, but the last mentioned didn't want to leave.
'i'll sit in the corner', he winked at me and indeed moved over.
i've started asking questions, my supervisor tried to explain to me all the obscurenesses, named plenty of books i should read, refined the problem and said finally, 'it's not that bad, but you'd have to read all these books i mentioned. you've never used these methods in particular, have you?
'no, sir', i replied.
'it's all developed there.. um.. but i have to admit the last task is gonna be really hard to wrest out, miss'.
his visitor chirked up and suggested, 'then stop stringing her along! young lady will leave that out in order to fence off unpleasant consequences, i suppose'.
'no', prof. whitfield smiled, 'this young miss will fight to the finish. and that's what is so interesting'.
i was surprised. that's a compliment! wow.

when i got home the first thing i did was boasting about it to jared.
he smiled, 'well, congrats, kooky, now you have nothing else to do but to grasp the nettle'.
'to do what?', i asked again.
'you mean grasp the nettle?'.
'uh huh', i nodded.
'ooh, ma lil' friend doesn't know a regular american collocation? what a shame!'.
'come on, jared, that's the first time i ask you a question like this! what does it mean?', i asked once more.
'grasp the bettle is what you should definitely do now'.
'my first and last question like this i take it', i finished.
he shrugged his shoulders.
'i'll smoke with the dictionary next time. not with you', i said.
'okay. see you in the evening then,' i punched him and he added, 'what? you'll get bored soon enough!'.
he's damn right.

@темы: the US

---

tired

got back from MIT, ready to drop, i need to get some sleep.
shit, i know no measure in life.
it's whether me being awkward and confused with doing nothing or me putting myself through the wringer.
i love to be busy, i like to fool around with friends knowing i'd have to do lots of things the following morning.
i like to work and soak myself in a study when it gets interesting as i does now.
and i can to it, i can do impossible when i really want to.
and i do it at the drop of a hat.
but gosh that's exhausting. after a few days like this you feel bushed.
and all you need is to get enough sleep - simply and solely. to start it all over again with renewed vigour.
so i'd better sleep. i have 2 hours before i have to go again. oh. that's a lot!
night.

@темы: the US

---

shoot

felix had an emergency yesterday, so our poker and fun night was canceled urgently.

so i went to my neibghour jared, he introduced me to his friend michaella.
michaella is black, tremendously big, extremely noisy, moreover she's harsh and manlike despite all her jewelry, she keeps swearing all the time, taps you on the shoulder, fights one bottle of beer after another and obviously i'm not used to this manner of communication. but she's charming in this although 'charming' is definitely the opposite of what you'd thing of her when you see her for the first time.
she and jared used to study together at school and take one schoolbus to get there.
she had to go at midnight, according to her 'as a fuckin' cinderella'.
i was left alone with jared who smiled, 'you've passed muster with dignity'.
'what do you mean?'.
'you're in diametrical opposition to each other. and the lollapalooza was that you both liked each other'.
'she's so much fun, michaella. i mean yeah, that's not my usual company, but that was interesting'.
'is there anybody who doesn't like you?', he asked.
'oh yeah. girls mostly. wanting to tussle with me in some kind of fake competition created by their imagination', i asnwered honestly.
'with regard to your tone i can guess what an answer to my second question which is are there people you dislike will be', jared laughted.
'yeah', i nodded, 'i don't like them either. it's mutual'.
''mutuality is good', he nodded.
'to the mutuality?', i raised my bottle of beer.
'yeah, ma gangsta girl'.
'yo!'.
he nearly choked on his sip of beer, 'please don't you sound like that, mel! that's scary!'.

and of course i hope all felix's problems will be worked out and solved as fast as possible.
i already miss these guys and want everything to be just great for them. especially for felix.

@темы: the US

---

back to past

one more melody from my childhood, from my infanthood.
helene et les garcons, remember?


Les jours passent sur la maison d'en face
Je pense à toi
Je pense à toi

Ça ne fait pas un an tout à fait
Que tu as fermé
Les volets

Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en septembre
Tu reviendras
Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en septembre
Tu seras là

Les jours passent et les amis se lassent
Je pense à toi
Je pense à toi

Ta guitare tu sais
Est toujours là
Et elle s'ennuie autant que moi

Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en septembre
Tu reviendras
Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en septembre
Tu seras là

Les jours passent septembre est déjà là
Je pense à toi
Je pense à toi

Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en décembre
Tu reviendras
Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en décembre
Tu seras là

Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en décembre
Tu reviendras
Moi j'ai décidé de t'attendre
Peut-être qu'en décembre
Tu seras là.


waiting for felix's friend aaron to pick me up and take me to our so called gambling house also known as felix's.

@темы: the US

---

silly

one of good things is that i have no pictures of alexander. i've never had any actually.
there were some on his computer, but never on my laptop. i never needed it, i had a living one.
i've been thinking of copying some of them to my flash card before leaving spb in august, but stopped myself from doing so.
that was a right thing to do.
i called him today in the morning right after waking up. he was in the office, tired, sleepy but apparently glad to hear my voice.
i kept smiling while talking to him, while he was telling me about his job and asked just a few questions about mine.
finally he said, 'nice to hear you smile'.
'it's nice when somebody feels your smile', i replied.
'your smile is difficult to take no notice of, amie', he said.
i miss him so much.

@темы: the US

---

subtotal

the party is over, my first exam here is successfully passed.
and today i'll have my music classes and after we'll play mafia with my fellows, i'm gonna teach them.
and yet again i'm filling my time, i dedicate it to everything i can to abstract.
stay cool, amelfa, stay cool.
in the morning after i couldn't stop laughing for no reason in particular a young lecturer told me with a smile, 'miss, as far as i'm concerned marijuana is still not legalised in this country, is it?'.
'it's not, sir', i replied.
'we prefer aclohol', my tablemate added.
'that's a good thing to hear, mister..'.
'amott. mister amott', dave replied perplexedly.
'taking mister amott's words on trust', the lecturer started with a chuckle, then looked up back at me and said with a wider smile, 'i can only envy such a spirit. but would you please let me continue, miss..'.
'karavayeva, sir. absolutely. i beg your pardon'.
'accepted. and with the approval of young miss karavayeva and her neighbour mr. amott we get back to the former subject'.
stay cool, lil' girl, stay cool.

@темы: the US

---

celebrating

for the first time here i'm having a party at mine!
everybody's invited: felix with his friends, all the guys i'm studying with and their friends. in two hours my doors will be wide open for everybody.
at the moment i'm drinking a pumpkin spice latte at starbucks with daniel and i just wrote a text of invitation and pressed 'send everybody'. and it's sent.
such a spontaneous outburst.
daniel is laughing, 'you're a wild card, amelfa. you keep surprising me on and on. and i doubt it will ever end'.
'i'll do my best to make sure it won't', i reply.
'for some reason i'm sure you'll succeed', he says.
and yeah, i know it's monday tomorrow.
and yeah, i'm taking an exam in the morning. and i'm willing to pass it. and not only me.
but what the hell? i want a party. and i'll have a party tonight.

@темы: the US

---

jees

thank god i have no money.
otherwise i'd just get a ticket and fly to russia right away.

@темы: the US

---

main

hands keep trembling.
cigarette tastes differently.

@темы: the US

---

main

he called. right in the morning.
i don't know where he got my american number.
i don't even remember what he called for.
we talked for only couple of minutes.
nothing in particular. nothing important.
but gosh i can't find words to explain how much it means.
need a smoke. need a smoke.

@темы: the US

---

z for zemfira

zemfira's new song:

Мне так нравится петь тебе новые песни
Залетевшие только что прямо в окно
Мне так нравится в жизни мечтать с тобой вместе
Зажигаем свечу, наливаем вино

Посмотри
Этот снег
Эти звезды в январе
Это только для тебя
Это только для тебя
Для тебя

Поиграем в игру города – самолеты
Полетаем, посмотрим с улыбкой на мир
Предположим я буду красивым пилотом
Ты же будешь единственный мой пассажир.

Посмотри
Этот снег
Эти звезды в январе
Это только для тебя
Это только для тебя
Для тебя

her voice is a music of my youth.

@темы: the US

---

from moscow with love

a friend of mine gave me a call recently.
asked whether it's ok if he comes to visit.
'you kidding me?', i replied.
'no. i got fired, i sold my motorcycle and i was dishoused by the appartement owner'.
'do you know how much the ticket costs? i'm beyond the seas, beyond the ocean! and you said you had got fired', i said.
'women', he mumbled, 'i also said i'd sold my motorcycle! i need a complete change of scene, Mel. besides i've never been there. and we used to get along perfectly, didn't we?'.
he was right. we did use to get along perfectly. he's like that mike guy from the ugly truth - a womaniser, but at the same time very sensitive in spirit, very understanding and incredibly devoted to these few he cares about. i'm in the very beggining of this list.
he could come over after being dumped by a girl cause of him cheating on her, i'd laugh and we'd have an easy evening with lots of alcohol and silly stories.
i could tell him about my love affairs and he'd make a cheap joke and reduce everything to man's primitive nature and we'd have a long night with crazy sex discussions.
we're so different and so surprisingly easy for each other to be around.
'sure', i agreed, 'and i'd love you to come. but you'd have certain problems with your visa'.
'that's why it's rather convenient to have an uncle in MFA, isn't it?', he laughed.
'right, i forgot about that'.
'so, are you waiting for me?', he continued.
'course i do!', i said honestly.
i really do.

@темы: the US

---

crisis

i know one cashier in giant (that's a huge store) who gives me gift coupons for nothing. so i buy let's say a watermelon, pay for it, have 2$ left in my poket and a coupon for free chocolate cookies or a blueberry muffin - yippee! so i come back, take a free pack of coockies or my muffin, show my coupon on another cashier's desk and leave again.
that my friend is what they call economy.
when i carry a huge watermelon back home somebody on a high way would definitely pull over offering to give me a ride. that can be a police officer's car or just somebody going by. sometimes i use the opportunity and go back by car, it's not dangerous here, it's nice.
and i've got a neighbour jared who can always offer me a sigaret and a smoking company - 24/7 - which is also very nice.
that's very important to have somebody whose door you can knock on in the middle of the night and be welcome. jared propapbly understands that too, so we appreciate each other and often have nice walks nearby in the predawn hours.
and yeah, studying picks up stream, it takes more and more time and i soak myself in a subject more and more every day. so we got back to almost sleepness nights not cause of parties and romantic issues but cause of lots of things you're supposed to do and do them right. and - what's weird - that's what i'm used to. that's my practiced rhythm.

@темы: the US

---

hah

this diary thing keeps me away from pessimism.
i was upset yesterday, i heard kreziazuk's feels like home song and was willing to write a sorrowfull post but i couldn't. i simply couldn't open the page!
which is a good thing.

from my fridays:
- there's a restaurant in a town nearby with fantastic taco's. let's go there, shall we?
- it's 4 a.m., you're aware of it, right?
- yeah! so are we goin'?
as a result:
two hours to get there by three cars,
taco's that happened to be fantastic indeed and heartful by-talks for four hours,
two more hours back to boston riding by turns.

got an e-mail from a colleague with lovers in japan by coldplay attached.
that's my japanese song. remembered tokyo at once.
and a short ps 'our fast and furious young miss is careering about as usual?'.
yeah, young miss will get the most out of life, she'll blossom out, just you wait.

@музыка: coldplay

@темы: the US

---

shooooooooooooot

just got an e-mail from one of my bosses.
project i used to work on as a translator is freezed due to this dammit crisis.
what am i supposed to do??
that was my last in some way serious way to make money!
shit shit shit!!
i need.
i don't know what i need.
i need it to get better. it all to get better. please!

@темы: the US

---

daily life

i bought first three seasons of friends. now i'm looking at rachel saying 'and that, my friend, is what they call closure'. she's so spoiled! but they're all so great. i like monica&chandlebest of all though.
i quit smoking but only till i get well.
i found a music class at the university and i already have an arrangement with the piano teacher named mr. walsh about me coming over in the late evenings and playing the piano by myself - i should remember my musical childhood after all!
my research supervisor seems to be a nice man and he's definitely very competent. so we should pull together.
my group is kinda hotchpotch you know. guys are mostly american which is great.
but they're so different, all of them.
what suprpised me the most is a vast number of people completely preoccupied by all the science. i've never seen anything like that - neither in msu, not at all the conferences i've participated in.
so probably all this gossip about mit being the best university in sphere of my occupation is not idle words.
i like it here.
i really do.
gotta go. i'm having a lunch with a couple of guys not so involved in all the research.

@темы: the US

---

spb

friday nights with Felix and his friends save me! we have so miuch fun and i just can't wait. i work and study a lot but still i keep counting days left till next friday and all the fun we'll definitely have again. that's so amazing! that's so important to me right now.
meanwhile i called Valia, Alexander's friend, to Saint-Petersburg. she kept asking about me being here in massachustets, i was telling lots of different stuff about mit and everything, but finally i couldn't resist, i did ask her about him:
- is he seing someone?
- Mel, - began valia.
- Valia, listen. if you told me there's nobody with him i would never believe you. but i need to know how far does it get.
she kept silent and i was thinking: stupid silly girl, why are you doing this, Amelfa, what do you need that for, why hurt yourself, voluntary?
- there's nobody. i mean he got back to his old style probably.
- he doesn't introduce you anybody?
- course not! that's not typical of him, you know, the way he was with you. he used to be more of 'done? i'll drive you home then' guy.
- thanks, valia.
- should i tell him you said hi?
- no. i want to write him every day, every single day, but.
- then what stops you? you're freaks, people! we don't get it here! we don't get it!!
- what would it change? nothing. he's free to do what he wants. so am i.
- if you were free, you'd do what you want - you'd call him. and now freedom is just a windiness.
maybe she's right.
i had played tennis in the rain and caught a cold. got to the drugstore, remembered all these sore throad, nasal cold, cough phrases and got these huge caplets instead of russian small tablets. i'm all good though.
partly cause it's only 5 days till friday.
i should get well by that time! yeah!

@темы: the US

---

hello america

america is amazing as it always is, massachusets i've never been to before is welcoming and warm.
my appartement is rather small but with a huge balcony, a bar counter i've always been dreaming of and - i couldn't believe my eyes - a teeny-tiny fireplace.
as far as i'm already concerned my next-door neighbours are mostly americans - friendly, smiley and sooo charmingly sweet.
gosh, that's a dreamlike life!
but over the past few days the only thing on my mind had been i-need-to-get-drunk-i-need-t-get-drunk.

but it all changed tonight.
it turned out that my friend since elementary school named matt has an elder brother felix who lives here in massachusets, 30 minutes away from me.
we met today in the afternoon and in the evening i was already introduced to his friends.
and they happened to be absolutely charming!! i hardly ever meet so interesting, fun and great people despite the fact that i'm aware of being lucky to have the most amazing people around me. we played twister, drank whiskey-coke, watched stupid tv shows and had an incredible evening!
and finally i have the feeling of the new life's beginning.
that seems to be priceless.
i'm all good.

@темы: the US