is

[amelfa]

you can look for advantages and reasons to endlessly. and find a lot.
but when this search is possible it's a waste.
cause when it's real and genuine there can be no reasons and explanations.

i moved to another apartment.
no more jarr by my side.
my new office is in 15 minutes by car.

and a colleague Matt is inviting me to join him in his trip to portugal.
i asked for a week to think.
and i want to. but i can't.
he's nice and fun and fine. and i need some rest.
but it feels like cheating on Roy.
i'm still there. not here.

not cause i'm cherishing hopes, no.
i know how this would hurt him.
and how hurting him would hurt me.
and not hurting him is uncomparable with a week of vacation.

reasons pro vs none of them.

what is love?
when you want a person to miss you and go crazy
it's love to yourself.
but when you really want this comebody to feel good
with you or without
you feel the need to know he or she's good.
with pain if without you.
with overwhelming happiness when with you.
this is probably for real.
it's difficult to live with.
it's impossible to explain even to yourself.
but this tenderness and care inside
it stronger than everything else.

gosh how much i want Roy to be happy.
and holy shit how deeply and strongly i want it to be with me.

i love you.

@темы: the US