Всё начинается с чьей-либо мечты
call me crazy, fickle, immature, whatever but i don't want to go back to russia.
at all. ever.
and yeah, i know i used to write here that i think of alexander every single moment and i'm almost counting down days till my coming back.
and i still think of him, so much, so often, so grievously.
but this country somehow makes me feel so much better than anywhere else i've ever been.
i can't explain it.
but despite being so far away from everything i'm used to, i grew up in front of, from near and near ones, my family and friends.
despite being - let's face it - absolutely alone in a foreign country. not to mention me being absolutely not self-sufficient.
it feels so good. i feel being in an only right place for me. contrary to so many circumstances.
my ex-husband warned me i wouldn't want to come back. i didn't take his words to heart back than. but he knew what he was talking about. he knows me too well.
and yet nothing actually holds me here. and so much to lure to russia. but that's where i want to belong.
and i still don't have a job here. only a remote work from moscow. nor a have a home of my own.
and i'm dying to feel alexander in front of me once more who by the way is in germany again at the moment.
but gosh i belong here.
and don't think of it as of a sudden impulse. it's not the way it is.
but i want to catch hold.
even though i realise how much i'd have to leave behind and that scares me more than hell.
at all. ever.
and yeah, i know i used to write here that i think of alexander every single moment and i'm almost counting down days till my coming back.
and i still think of him, so much, so often, so grievously.
but this country somehow makes me feel so much better than anywhere else i've ever been.
i can't explain it.
but despite being so far away from everything i'm used to, i grew up in front of, from near and near ones, my family and friends.
despite being - let's face it - absolutely alone in a foreign country. not to mention me being absolutely not self-sufficient.
it feels so good. i feel being in an only right place for me. contrary to so many circumstances.
my ex-husband warned me i wouldn't want to come back. i didn't take his words to heart back than. but he knew what he was talking about. he knows me too well.
and yet nothing actually holds me here. and so much to lure to russia. but that's where i want to belong.
and i still don't have a job here. only a remote work from moscow. nor a have a home of my own.
and i'm dying to feel alexander in front of me once more who by the way is in germany again at the moment.
but gosh i belong here.
and don't think of it as of a sudden impulse. it's not the way it is.
but i want to catch hold.
even though i realise how much i'd have to leave behind and that scares me more than hell.
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25.10.2009 в 03:53-
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25.10.2009 в 17:36it's that i used to think i wouldn't have enough guts even just to state it.
and here i am willing to stay and good-for-anything to accomplish it.