Всё начинается с чьей-либо мечты
had a dream.
a guy i don't know but trusted implicitly in my dream standing right in front of me and staring me in the eye gripped my wrists in his hard hands.
holding my gaze, he said steadily and slowly, making every word clear, 'he's not coming back'.
of course i knew who he was talking about, it was out of question.
but this all made perfect sense. it didn't take me by surprise, not for a single moment.
a guy kept looking at me anxiously waiting for my reaction to come and still not loosening his iron grip.
i stood in front of him, listening to his voice echoing now in my head.
his words coinciding with something i already knew, awareness that apparently has been there deep inside of me all along, never said out loud though.
i exhaled and nodded.
i didn't realize i was crying until it was time to take a new breath, the one after.
a breath of a new air, an air now containing an unspoken before truth.
and that was to much to bear, i couldn't. i was gasping for breath vainly.
i can't recall what happened next, it's all fuzzy and in a flux.
my dream ended with me shaking with sobs in the back seat of a car, pulled into arms of this guy i didn't know but trusted.
i kept sobbing violently and looking away, but his warm arms constricted around me, trying calmly but persistently to pull me away from a cold window i leaned to.
he held me against his chest.
i couldn't care less about the guy being so concerned about me, but his embrace was warm and at least somehat comforting.
and i had no strength to object.
it felt like i would never be able to fight again.
even having a single intention to seemed impossible and way too far.
emptiness. yawning emptiness.
a guy i don't know but trusted implicitly in my dream standing right in front of me and staring me in the eye gripped my wrists in his hard hands.
holding my gaze, he said steadily and slowly, making every word clear, 'he's not coming back'.
of course i knew who he was talking about, it was out of question.
but this all made perfect sense. it didn't take me by surprise, not for a single moment.
a guy kept looking at me anxiously waiting for my reaction to come and still not loosening his iron grip.
i stood in front of him, listening to his voice echoing now in my head.
his words coinciding with something i already knew, awareness that apparently has been there deep inside of me all along, never said out loud though.
i exhaled and nodded.
i didn't realize i was crying until it was time to take a new breath, the one after.
a breath of a new air, an air now containing an unspoken before truth.
and that was to much to bear, i couldn't. i was gasping for breath vainly.
i can't recall what happened next, it's all fuzzy and in a flux.
my dream ended with me shaking with sobs in the back seat of a car, pulled into arms of this guy i didn't know but trusted.
i kept sobbing violently and looking away, but his warm arms constricted around me, trying calmly but persistently to pull me away from a cold window i leaned to.
he held me against his chest.
i couldn't care less about the guy being so concerned about me, but his embrace was warm and at least somehat comforting.
and i had no strength to object.
it felt like i would never be able to fight again.
even having a single intention to seemed impossible and way too far.
emptiness. yawning emptiness.