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i couldn't stand. i found the stupidest excuse and text messaged alexander.
he fell for it and of course looked through. there's no way he'd be sidetracked like this.
he texted back, 'can you call me?'.
i did. and we never got back to my tacky excuse.
it was 2 a.m there where he was and an early evening here.
we discussed complicated philosophic issues, forgiveness and guilt, missed oppotrunities and shots people are actually taking, endless and unpredictable tide of life.
no 'how are you''s, no true life stories. abstracts and thinking aloud.
i lost track of time.
he brought us back to reality for a while when said, 'you have a new 'ooh' sound'.
'how is that?', i asked.
'american. and - i should admit - coquettish', he smiled there.
'coquettish good or coquettish bad?', i tried to clarify.
'lenie', he warned me softly, 'it's bad manners to overdo - even in flirting. especially in flirting'.
'drawing attention to unexperienced girl's mistakes is not gentlemanlike either, you know', i replied.
'lenie', he repeated.
'so you're the only one able to make sarcastic remarks here, right? sorry i might have forgotten the right behaviour pattern', i said.
he smiled. soundlessly but i could hear it and smiled back.
a pause. he noticed. smile.
we talked about paths and possible or right ways to choose. and whether people are able to confess even to themselves and see and accept true motivations and reasons.
'i keep wondering what the decisive pro-argument for you to leave was, you know', he said pensively.
i tried to answer but he interrupted me, 'no, don't. i can say all the right words you have for an answer myself. and wrong ones too', he added. 'i know the outlines'.
'you wonder what the one essential was', i said.
'yes. the internal. there's always one true - hidden behind bright and rational peripheral', he agreed.
and i had no clue. so i said, 'and i wonder whether the decision was right'.
it was his turn not to answer.
one and a half hour flashed by like two seconds.
the one in the beginning before i heard his voice and the other in the very end when i had take a breath to say goodbye.
he fell for it and of course looked through. there's no way he'd be sidetracked like this.
he texted back, 'can you call me?'.
i did. and we never got back to my tacky excuse.
it was 2 a.m there where he was and an early evening here.
we discussed complicated philosophic issues, forgiveness and guilt, missed oppotrunities and shots people are actually taking, endless and unpredictable tide of life.
no 'how are you''s, no true life stories. abstracts and thinking aloud.
i lost track of time.
he brought us back to reality for a while when said, 'you have a new 'ooh' sound'.
'how is that?', i asked.
'american. and - i should admit - coquettish', he smiled there.
'coquettish good or coquettish bad?', i tried to clarify.
'lenie', he warned me softly, 'it's bad manners to overdo - even in flirting. especially in flirting'.
'drawing attention to unexperienced girl's mistakes is not gentlemanlike either, you know', i replied.
'lenie', he repeated.
'so you're the only one able to make sarcastic remarks here, right? sorry i might have forgotten the right behaviour pattern', i said.
he smiled. soundlessly but i could hear it and smiled back.
a pause. he noticed. smile.
we talked about paths and possible or right ways to choose. and whether people are able to confess even to themselves and see and accept true motivations and reasons.
'i keep wondering what the decisive pro-argument for you to leave was, you know', he said pensively.
i tried to answer but he interrupted me, 'no, don't. i can say all the right words you have for an answer myself. and wrong ones too', he added. 'i know the outlines'.
'you wonder what the one essential was', i said.
'yes. the internal. there's always one true - hidden behind bright and rational peripheral', he agreed.
and i had no clue. so i said, 'and i wonder whether the decision was right'.
it was his turn not to answer.
one and a half hour flashed by like two seconds.
the one in the beginning before i heard his voice and the other in the very end when i had take a breath to say goodbye.